Honestly, I forgot what love is...

Honestly I forgot what Love is.

I forgot how it felt to depend on someone. I forgot how it felt to care so deeply for one person on a level that others couldn’t even understand. I forgot how it felt to comprehend one person to a point where the next movement became second nature to just know without guessing. I forgot how happy one person could really make you when you hear them laugh. I forgot how amazing it feels when they say I love you. I forgot the feeling of simple gestures like: Holding hands, Being held from behind, Being kissed on the cheek. I forgot…. the simplicity that love can hold.

But.. I remember everything else. The heartache that follows right after. The hurt you feel after this one person betrays your trust. The feeling of being used for pleasure. The feeling of being cheated on, lied to, being made a complete fool. The feeling of the world ending. The feeling of deep agony. The struggle and fights that makes me think now, how did I ever fall asleep? The anticipation eating me away when I heard the words We need to talk. The sound of glass shattering after the wordsIt’s over. The sickening feeling you get in your gut when you’ve had 10 too many drinks to drink. The realization of how deep the hole you buried yourself in for him actually is. The failed attempt of getting through the first night alone. Your urge to reach out for your phone, and dial his digits. The disappointment to no “good morning” text that we all subconsciously look forward to. The war to keep the the tears back every time music in general was playing. Trying SO HARD, to keep a smile in front of the ones you love, the ones you hate, family, friends. Crying in your room for hours until you fall asleep. The constant reminder of your friends with their terrified yet concerned looks uttering "You deserve someone better". The nightmares. The reflection. When you stand there, hand pressed against the mirror, and the first words that leaves your mouth, WHY? Why him, why today, why me.   And as you continue to stare, you see every amount of innocence and the “you, you use to be” Disappear right before your eyes. Leaving nothing but a stranger sad eyes and a story.

The feeling of reaching your breaking point because of Love’s complexities.. And the thought of loving someone, committing yourself terrify you to death. Greatest paradox is, you fight to forget, you wake up each day to remind yourself that you need to forget which eventualy ends up reminding you of the things that you dont wanna be reminded of.

"Pano mo kakalimutan yung taong ayaw mo na, pero mahal mo pa?"