If I could do it again... I woudn't get married...

While almost every single woman can’t wait to wear that white dress, Chinnie Dekgado wishes she hadn’t

I am married, married two years now, to a man I love and loves me knows me inside out. You are bath so bagay, friends exclaim, and I think I could have it all over again... I wouldn’t.
Shocked that a recently married woman can say such a thing? I am not out to discourage anybody from wearing the ball and chain around their necks. I have wonderful girlfriends who morphed into mother earth right after marriage_ they like staying at home with the kids and not having to work for the rest of their lives. (Who wouldn’t?) I’m truly happy for them and once in a while I gamely drag my husband to attend family cookouts and cheer during toddler soccer.
However, contrary to what popular TV shows would make us believe, I think that not everyone is cut for marriage. This Ally McBeal obsession with hunting down and hooking up with Mr. Right perpetuates that false perception that marriage is for everybody and that perpetual singletons are unhappy self-obsessed commitment-phobic deviants. It takes a certain degree of sanity to leave behind the wonderful world of single-blessedness and move to a state in which you are bound by laws, both legal and divine, to stay true to another person for almost a century. I guess I had momentary lapse of sanity (was scared to be single for much longer); long enough to walk down the aisle and exchange lifelong vows. Aside from being in love, I labored under the illusion that tying the knot meant happiness , sex and romance for the rest of my life, then ack!- a rude awakening.
There are days when I feel undesirable in bed, inadequate as an emotional support partner; and in reverse, there are long periods when I feel as if my husband is unavailable to me, emotionally or physically, and elsewhere in his own universe. Sure, I have gotten some valuable advice before I got married –on how to repair breakage in the marital bond when it appears in the form of infidelity, bad temper or boredom- but no one mentioned how tedious and heart breaking it can be to stay an individual. To pursue your own goals without feeling guilty and selfish, to indulge to yourself without feeling self absorbed or inconsiderate. There comes a day when people will unconciously reagrd you as an attachment to someone else, an appendage, part of a couple and nothing else.
Dont even get me started on sex. During our first two months, we were like two horny rabbits. We had our own place- it was small but we made most out of every inch. Getting married and having your own place, means more bills to pay, working harder to have the money to pay those bills, scrubbing bathroom tiles, ironing clothes, cooking dinner, when you get home-those basically kill any so-called animal urges. We are too tired at the end of the day, the only groping that wakes me up in the middle of the night is when my husband tries t wrestle a pillow from my death grip.
Romance in marriage is much like Elvis: dead, but you keep hoping otherwise.
Romance is intoxicating , both of you filled with fascination for each other. Once married, the only thing that will fascinate you is how cohabitation is even possible between one who abhors televish and one who needs the set on even when he is washing dishes on the other room. Marriage robs you of the illusion that is state of being one. There are days when my husband and I do retaliation to the other’s offense that I never imagined we were capable of, when I wake up I find myself staring at the person in the bed with me, wondering who are you? There are moments when I would much rather be single than feel alienated, disconnected, from the very person I call my husband. When, because I’ve set my expectations so high (were going to faced life together), my disenchantment is all the more heartbreaking. And now, I wonder what would it have been like if my husband and I just stayed together without going through all the paperwork? Would we have been happier??


**This is an article from Cosmo that I have been keeping for years. Delayed posting I know. My friends are all aware that I have this thing about being quirky alone. I admit though that I have been down to serious business but even at my lapse of sanity, I have never fancied the ball and chain of marriage. Yes, that’s how I see it, eternity of doom. Don’t get me wrong, I wanna walk down the aisle with that oh so gorgeous white dress, a knock out entourage and have the loves of my life with me. And having THAT GUY waiting for me at the end of the the bomb walk at San Sabastian Church (see I’ve thought of that). BUT THAT’S ALL THAT I WANT. I don’t want the events even right the morning after. I don’t wanna go through the excruciating pain that marriage has packaged with women. “SETTLING DOWN MEANS MORE SILENCE AND LESSER SEX.” It’s Blair’s statement on one of GG’s episodes re getting serious. This may sound ludacris but it’s just me and it’s my choice. After dropping off my friends last weekend, the guy whom I loved the most and I had a talk, just before the attempted confession. He asked me if I still think that US would work. He also asked me if I still want to spend the rest of my life with him. I did a lil thinking after I got the SMS, the explanation why he still wouldn’t wanna pursue other chics. Well... Guess what my answer was?
I told him “After all these years I still love you, nothing’s changed. And after all these years I still love me and nothing’s changed...”